= Jolin's Blog .

Tuesday, October 01, 2013

~ time to stop ignoring the writing urges! ~

it's been way too long since i've typed something all the way till the end.
there's so many stories that i'd like to share,
so many updates i've missed the chance to share...
just cos' i've been ignoring this part of me.
indeed, there are times when our mind and heart is occupied by other stuffs,
only to neglect a part of us.
there are more time in my hands, and by right, i shd have more blog posts!
i thought of blogging once in awhile;
i typed a sentence of a little paragraph, and off goes my mind~
to elsewhere :P
so today, i told myself;
it's now or never.

starting anew at an unfamiliar place brought back so many old memories
of how i started back then.
back then, i knew no one at all, and i made hundreds of friends.
I wonder where that courage came from.
now, it's feels like it's back to square one again
but honestly, i think it's a whole new level of square one.
it's a challenge, and it keeps my mind always pondering.
without really focusing on every details,
i'm actually experiencing a life i once imagined but not expect to fulfill.

a short getaway to the uncanny.
being back once again threw me back to the past.
it felt like the past resumed for me again, after the long pause when i away.
everyone was changing, moving on, so was i.
but the thing was, i missed out on everyone's lives, and vice versa,
hence whenever we hung out, it was 'back to before'
lots of updates, lots of catch ups.
i didn't realise how much i miss these people in my life.

straight onto the roads.
came back for a night, and head straight out onto the roads for 2 weeks.
it was fun, and awesome to finally sleep in a campervan!
the people we met along the way had their own lives back home,
had their own reasons for 'running away' for awhile,
and they made me think about my life.
one night, something terrible happened as we drove along the road.
out of nowhere, it hopped out on to the road right in front of us.
it was too late for anything, and so, it happened.
the day before, we saved one by stopping just in time.
but it felt like it was meant to be, something meant to happen.
you save one, you lose another.
i don't understand why they wld just hop out just like that.
were they tired of living? or just ignorant?

the more time i spend with Jess, the more i feel...... (can't find the word yet...)
i've never ever thought i'd ever live with one under the same roof
but the unexpected always catches us off guard.
the first time i met her, i was afraid but i had to put on a front and pretended i was fine.
(just so i won't embarrass myself :P )
a few times, we shared the back seat together.
i was still afraid but i knew she wasn't gonna do anything to me.
today, we're under the same roof, sometimes even sharing the couch at the same time.
i've seen her squeeze through the curtain just so she can have a clear view of the outside world,
and how she'd put her head out of the car window and bark at the passer by.
i'm glad i'm able to just open the door and walk out of the house,
able to go wherever i want, able to travel and see the world whenever.
she lives for another person,
jumps up from the couch and wags her tail at the door
when she hears the car pulling up.
perhaps it's a happy thing to be able to have someone to live for, (for jess)
in our case, we've to live for ourselves;
use our hands to open the doors of opportunities, and our feet to take the first leap out.
living for another person is like living life as a shadow...
never noticed by others, and always following without much aim in life.

this (writing this post) is really satisfying.
i kinda forgot how satisfying it is.
i got lazy, and distracted along the way.
it feels good to let my words flow once again!
there will always be this part of us that we tend to find excuses to ignore.
let's take it as a rest but never get lazy,
cos' there will always be a path leading you back to doing what you love :)

Jolin signing off....................................................

11:27 PM